i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
