I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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