Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
