ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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