I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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