I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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