Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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