i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
