you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
