there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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