i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Randomize
