i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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