Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
