I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
