I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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