I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
