even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
