I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
