yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Boobs speak an international language.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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