yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
