i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
