I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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