In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
