Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Text me some of your sweat
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize