my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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