i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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