oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
