yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
