dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Boobs are out for the taking
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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