Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
