i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
