My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Enjoy the penises
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
