Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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