my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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