i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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