you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Blood and glitter go together right?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
