just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
