did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
