I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
