I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
