if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
