And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
