i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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