a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize