i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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