So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
