it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
