I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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