I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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