i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
