I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
