Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
