On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
