eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dicks are not precious.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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