Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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