2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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