The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
