it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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