I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
