i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
