Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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