The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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