My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
