I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
