I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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