i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
