he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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