I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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