No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
