I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
