Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
