Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
