I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
