Only a mothe r could love this liver
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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