just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
